Paradoxical Perversions
by Deiru
Summary: I don't even...


The twins popped out from behind the strange metal box that now stood in the middle of the third music room, staring curiously at what seemed to be a door handle on one side.

"Kyouya-sempaiiii, what's this weird thing?" They sung as they poked and prodded the box together.

"It's a top secret prototype from my father's company, the Ootori group. I have to ask you to be careful with that." Kyouya replied, making observations on his signature clipboard.

"But what does it do?" Wondered Haruhi, intrigued at the impossible looking device. Kyouya smiled smugly and adjusted his glasses.

"It's a time machine."

A mischievous smile spread from Hikaru to Kaoru, heads already filled with images of the hijinx they could cause. "Oh, you don't say~"

"Sorry to spoil your fun so prematurely, but it still needs some test runs. That's why father has given me explicit instructions to be the first one to test it out." Kyouya put down his clipboard (For perhaps the first time in fangirl history) and started to walk towards the machine.

"But Kyouya-sempai," a still-shocked Haruhi managed to exclaim, "where are you going to go?"

"We're happy to offer suggestions, sempai," the twins now following behind their shadow-king "So many things you could change, or lotteries you can fix!"

"The very idea of such a thing makes no sense. The repercussions would be unimaginable. No, rather, I have a very… intimate idea of where to go." Kyouya turned the ornate knob and walked inside the apparently space-time bending contraption.

"Intimate? Where ya going, ne?" But the machine had already faded away.

Haruhi walked between the twins. "Where do you suppose he's going?"

* * *

Kyouya bent over his desk, staring at the figures in front of him. "My my, this isn't good. We're going to need more hosts at this rate…"

"Oh, I think I have an idea to fix that" Came a familiar, far too familiar, voice from behind him. "But I think we can save the business talk until a bit later…"

Kyouya spun around in his office chair and saw, to his surprise, himself, in front of the most preposterous metal box.

"…I think that's a sign that I need sleep, I must be overstressed" Said the Kyouya now rubbing his eyes.

"I assure you, it's no such thing. I think you'll find I'm very… much… real…" Future-Kyouya strode over to his younger self, and masterfully climbed atop his lap, hands caressing Past-Kyouya's neatly ironed shirt.

"I don't think… I don't think I'm comfortable with this." Past-Kyouya began to attempt to stand, wary of the hands now wandering towards his belt.

"Oh no, trust me, you'll enjoy this…. I remember…"

Past-Kyouya gasped, trying to resist as his doppelganger skilfully unbuttoned his pants. He really was there, as physical as he, with very real and… cold hands on his slowly swelling member. "H-hey! What are you-" He was cut off as Future-Kyouya began to stroke him, voice catching in his throat.

"Don't resist, trust me, trust yourself. Would you be this hard if you didn't want to?" Grinned Future-Kyouya, now undressing his younger-self with one hand, pleasuring him with the other. All Past-Kyouya could manage was a feeble protestation that escaped his lips as a moan.

"That's more like what I wanted to hear… and now that I have your consent…" Future-Kyouya's face transformed into a much more sinister grin. He spun the office chair around, and kicked the now pants-less man into his bed. "Hey, I was enjoying th- I mean what the hell?"

"Shh, it's okay. It's impossible to rape yourself, you know?" The elder Kyou had already disrobed, stroking his now throbbing member and pushing Past-Kyouya's face into the bed. "H-Hey, what… well… aren't you at least going to use lube?" He muffled into the bedsheets.

"Here, don't forget this" Lube was now sitting in future-Kyouya's hand, a third Kyouya receding into a second metal time machine.

"Convenient. I mustn't forget to do that later." Future-Kyouya chuckled, now tenderly rubbing the lube onto his uke's asshole, who could do nothing but groan.

"G-g-gently now- nnnngh" He managed to stammer before Kyou entered him, knees nearly buckling from the pleasure that ravaged his body.

"What did I tell you? I told you you'd enjoy it~" Future-Kyou smiled as he watched himself, thrusting in and out of what could only be described as heaven. "But, I suppose if you –really- didn't want to…" He began to slow his movements.

"No, please…" Past-Kyouya stammered, his sentence degrading into unintelligible mumbles.

"I can't quite hear you there, care to repeat it?"

"Please don't stop, faster, please, faster!" The now blushing Kyouya almost screamed it out, and when Kyou delightfully obliged, he muffled the moans by biting down on the sheets.

"I hope you're ready, I'm almost…" Even the controlling Kyou had trouble finishing his sentence, his body quaking as the orgasm rippled through him and his past-self.

"…finished."

Future Kyouya collapsed onto the bed, arms around his familiar, past body, as they both panted for breath.

* * *

"W-wow, I… wow" He laughed at the absurdity "That was amazing"

"Was?" Kyou grabbed his younger face and pulled it towards his own. "I hope you don't think it's over already."

The sunlight streamed through the blinds onto Kyouya's content face, still flushed red from the night before. Rolling over, he begun to greet his older lover.

"Good morning, my-" Only to be met with nothing but a note sitting on his desk, and an empty space where the strange silver box had been.

"H-huh?"

Worried, Kyouya pulled himself out of bed and opened the note.

"_Thank you for such a wonderful time last night. Make sure you ask father about the time machine in a couple months, you won't regret it._

_ And this time, you'll get to enjoy being seme~_

_ K.O"_


End file.
